If you have a toddler between two and three years old, you’ve probably experienced a moment like this.
You tell them it’s time to leave the playground, that they can’t have another biscuit, or that today you’re not buying that toy. Within seconds, they’re crying, screaming, kicking or lying on the floor in the middle of the supermarket.
In those moments, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. You may wonder whether you’re doing the right thing, or notice people looking at you while you try to calm the situation.
The good news is that, although they can be exhausting, tantrums in 2 to 3 year olds are a normal part of childhood development. In most cases, they don’t mean your child is spoiled, badly behaved or trying to manipulate you.
They’re simply learning to cope with very intense emotions using a brain that isn’t yet able to regulate them effectively.
Understanding what’s happening during a tantrum won’t make them disappear overnight, but it can help you respond with more confidence, less frustration and much more calm.
Why Do Tantrums Happen in 2 to 3 Year Olds?
Between the ages of two and three, children go through an exciting stage of development.
They begin to discover that they can make choices, express preferences and do many things by themselves.
It’s the age of the famous:
“Me do it!”
They want to choose their clothes, climb the stairs without help, decide which bedtime story to read or try to do everything independently.
The challenge is that the world doesn’t always work the way they expect.
Sometimes it’s time to leave the playground even though they’re still having fun.
Sometimes they can’t have ice cream before dinner.
And often, they still don’t have the words to explain exactly how they’re feeling.
All of this creates enormous frustration.
At the same time, the part of the brain responsible for self-control, planning and emotional regulation is still developing. In other words, children experience emotions very intensely but don’t yet have the skills to manage them.
That’s why a tantrum is rarely a deliberate attempt to challenge adults.
The emotion simply becomes too overwhelming.
As children develop language, learn to wait, and gradually gain better emotional regulation skills, these outbursts usually become less frequent.
What Commonly Triggers a Tantrum?
Every child is different, but certain situations make tantrums much more likely.
Some of the most common triggers include:
- Hunger or thirst.
- Being overtired or not getting enough sleep.
- Feeling unwell.
- Too much stimulation.
- Unexpected changes to their routine.
- Having to stop doing something they enjoy.
- Not getting what they want.
- Struggling to express their feelings with words.
Very often, what appears to be the cause of the tantrum is only the final straw.
Perhaps your child didn’t sleep well the night before. Maybe they’ve spent hours running errands with you. Or perhaps they’re simply hungry and tired.
When several of these factors come together, even a small disappointment can feel impossible for them to handle.
Looking beyond the immediate situation often helps us understand what’s really happening.
What Happens in a Child’s Brain During a Tantrum?
When young children have a tantrum, many parents feel as though they’ve suddenly stopped listening.
In a way, that’s exactly what’s happening.
During a tantrum, the emotional parts of the brain become highly activated, while the prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for reasoning, impulse control and decision-making—isn’t yet mature enough to take charge.
This explains why long explanations rarely work in the middle of a meltdown.
It’s not that your child doesn’t want to listen.
It’s that, in that moment, they’re simply unable to process everything you’re saying.
Child development specialists describe this as a state of emotional dysregulation. The brain becomes so overwhelmed that it first needs to calm down before it can learn, listen or think clearly again.
Understanding this changes the way we see tantrums in 2 to 3 year olds.
Instead of asking ourselves:
“How can I make my child stop crying?”
we can begin asking:
“What does my child need right now to feel safe again?”
That small shift in perspective often makes a huge difference.
How to Respond to Tantrums in 2 to 3 Year Olds with Calm
No parent stays calm every single time.
Some days you’ll have plenty of patience. On other days, one more tantrum may feel like the last straw.
And that’s perfectly normal.
Supporting a child through a tantrum doesn’t mean handling every situation perfectly.
It means trying to offer them something they can’t yet do for themselves: helping them regulate emotions that feel overwhelming.
Research on early childhood development shows that, during these first years, adults act as an external regulator. In other words, we lend children our calm until they gradually learn to find their own.
That ability doesn’t develop overnight.
It grows through hundreds of everyday moments like these.
Stay Calm (Even When It Isn’t Easy)
It’s probably the piece of advice parents hear most often… and also the hardest to put into practice.
After a long day, when you’re tired or when the tantrum happens in the middle of a busy supermarket, staying calm can feel almost impossible.
But there’s one important thing to remember: children borrow their emotional regulation from the adults around them.
If we start shouting, arguing or losing control, their brain interprets the situation as even more threatening, and the emotional intensity usually increases.
That doesn’t mean you have to be the perfect parent.
There will be days when you lose your patience too.
And that’s okay.
The goal isn’t to get it right every single time. It’s to come back to a place of calm and, if necessary, repair the situation afterwards.
Sometimes taking a deep breath before responding is enough.
Sometimes it simply helps to remind yourself that your child isn’t giving you a hard time.
They’re having a hard time.
Validate Their Feelings
When a young child is overwhelmed by emotion, they often don’t even know what they’re feeling.
That’s why simple phrases like these can be so helpful:
- “I can see you’re really upset.”
- “I know you wanted to keep playing.”
- “I understand you’re sad because we have to leave.”
You don’t need a long speech.
You just need to show your child that someone understands what they’re going through.
Putting emotions into words won’t stop the tantrum immediately, but it helps children gradually build the emotional vocabulary they’ll use throughout their lives.
Understanding Doesn’t Mean Giving In
One of the questions parents ask most often is:
“If I validate my child’s feelings, won’t they think they’re getting their own way?”
The answer is no.
You can acknowledge an emotion without changing the boundary.
For example:
“I know you’d like to stay at the playground because you’re having fun. But it’s time to go home now.”
Or:
“I know you’d like another bedtime story. I love reading with you too. But we’ve already read one, and now it’s time to sleep.”
The message is simple.
Your feelings matter.
And the limit stays the same.
When children experience both empathy and consistency, they learn that frustration is part of life and that they can move through those feelings without expecting every rule to change.
Make Safety Your Priority
Some tantrums in 2 to 3 year olds can be particularly intense.
Some children throw themselves on the floor, kick, throw objects or even try to hurt themselves.
In those moments, your first priority should always be safety.
Move any objects that could cause injury, guide your child to a quieter place if possible, or gently prevent them from hurting themselves if necessary.
The goal isn’t to punish them.
The goal is simply to keep everyone safe while the emotional storm passes.
What to Avoid During a Tantrum
Knowing what not to do is just as important as knowing what helps.
Many of us react with the best intentions, but tiredness and stress can lead us to responses that actually make things worse.
Shouting or Responding with Anger
When an adult loses control, children don’t learn emotional regulation.
They simply experience another intense emotion on top of their own.
Trying to Reason While They’re Crying
It’s natural to explain why they can’t have something.
But during a tantrum, your child’s brain isn’t ready to process long explanations.
There will be time to talk about what happened once they’ve calmed down.
Shaming or Embarrassing Them
Comments like:
- “You’re embarrassing yourself.”
- “Look, everyone is watching you.”
- “Stop acting like a baby.”
can damage a child’s self-esteem without teaching them how to manage their emotions.
Giving In Every Time
Sometimes we’re exhausted and think:
“I’ll just buy the toy so this ends.”
That’s an understandable reaction.
But if it happens regularly, children may learn that continuing the tantrum eventually changes the outcome.
That doesn’t mean you can never change your mind.
It simply means the decision shouldn’t depend on the tantrum itself.
How to Prevent Many Tantrums
It’s impossible to prevent every tantrum.
Tantrums in 2 to 3 year olds are a normal part of development and will still happen from time to time.
However, small changes in everyday routines can often reduce how frequently they occur.
Prepare Children for Transitions
Leaving the playground or turning off the television without warning often leads to frustration.
Giving children a few minutes’ notice makes these transitions much easier.
For example:
“We’re going home in five minutes.”
Or:
“You can go down the slide two more times, then we’ll leave.”
At first, they may still protest.
But over time, they’ll learn to prepare themselves for what’s coming next.
Meet Their Basic Needs
It sounds simple, but it makes a huge difference.
A child who has slept well, eaten regularly and hasn’t been overwhelmed by too many activities is much more likely to cope with frustration.
Sometimes the best parenting strategy is simply making sure they’ve had enough sleep.
Offer Small Choices
At this age, children have a strong need for independence.
They don’t need to make every decision.
Offering two acceptable choices is often enough.
For example:
- “Would you like to wear the blue T-shirt or the green one?”
- “Would you like to brush your teeth before or after the story?”
This encourages independence while keeping healthy boundaries in place.
Notice the Good Moments Too
As parents, we naturally focus on difficult behaviour.
But positive moments deserve attention too.
Instead of simply saying:
“Good job.”
Try being more specific:
“You waited so patiently.”
“I really liked how you helped tidy up your toys.”
Specific praise helps children understand which behaviours you’d like to encourage.
Stories Can Help Children Understand Their Emotions Too
The first few years of life are full of big emotions and new experiences. Children are learning about the world around them while gradually discovering how to recognise and express what they feel.
Books can become wonderful companions during this stage. Reading together doesn’t just strengthen the bond between parent and child—it also creates calm moments where emotions can be explored naturally through stories.
At Nöpp Editions, you’ll find a carefully curated collection of books for children aged 0 to 3, created to support every stage of early childhood with stories full of warmth, imagination and meaningful moments to share as a family.
Discover our collection of books for children aged 0 to 3
When Should You Seek Professional Advice?
Tantrums in 2 to 3 year olds are a normal part of childhood development. Although some days may feel endless, these emotional outbursts usually become less frequent as children develop language skills, learn to express their feelings and gradually build the ability to manage frustration.
However, there are situations where it’s worth speaking to your paediatrician or a child development specialist.
It’s a good idea to seek professional advice if:
- Tantrums are very frequent and extremely intense almost every day.
- They regularly last longer than 15 to 20 minutes.
- Your child often hurts themselves or seriously hurts others during a tantrum.
- They find it very difficult to calm down, even with your support.
- The tantrums continue with the same intensity beyond the age of four or five.
- They are accompanied by significant language delays or other developmental concerns.
Asking for professional guidance doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong.
Often, families simply benefit from personalised advice that helps them better understand what’s happening and how to support their child.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for a child to have several tantrums a day?
Yes.
Between the ages of two and three, it’s quite common for children to have several tantrums, especially when they’re tired, hungry, adjusting to changes in routine or learning new skills.
Rather than counting how many tantrums they have, it’s more helpful to notice whether they’re gradually becoming better at calming down over time.
Should I ignore a tantrum?
It depends on the situation.
If your child is safe and simply expressing frustration, staying calm and avoiding an argument is often the best approach.
However, if they’re overwhelmed or at risk of hurting themselves, they need your presence and support.
Completely ignoring a child rarely helps them learn how to regulate their emotions.
Should I Let My Child Cry Until They Calm Down?
Every child is different.
Some children need a little space before they’re ready for comfort. Others feel safer when a trusted adult stays close from the very beginning.
The goal isn’t to stop the crying as quickly as possible.
The goal is to let your child know they’re not facing those overwhelming emotions alone.
Do Tantrums Mean My Child Is Misbehaving?
No.
Tantrums in 2 to 3 year olds are a normal part of emotional and brain development.
Having a tantrum doesn’t mean your child is spoiled, naughty or badly behaved.
It simply means they’re still learning how to recognise, express and manage very big emotions.
When Do Tantrums Usually Stop?
There’s no exact age.
For many children, tantrums begin to decrease around the age of four, when language, self-control and emotional regulation become more developed.
Every child grows at their own pace, so comparing them with others is rarely helpful.
A Challenging Stage… That Will Pass
When your child has a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket or just as you’re rushing out of the house, it can feel as though nothing you do is working.
It’s perfectly normal to feel frustrated, lose your patience sometimes or wonder whether you’re handling things the right way.
But it’s important to remember one thing:
A tantrum doesn’t define your child.
And it certainly doesn’t define you as a parent.
Tantrums in 2 to 3 year olds are a sign that children are growing, discovering their independence and slowly learning how to cope with emotions that still feel far too big.
Every time you help them name their feelings, calmly hold a boundary or simply stay beside them while they regain control, you’re teaching them a skill they’ll use for the rest of their lives.
You don’t have to handle every situation perfectly.
You simply need to be there—with patience, warmth and the reassurance that this stage won’t last forever.
Sources
- American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Temper Tantrums: What Parents Need to Know.
- American Academy of Pediatrics. Framework for Approaching Healthy Mental and Emotional Development in Pediatrics (2026).
- HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics). Top Tips for Surviving Tantrums.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Essentials for Parenting Toddlers and Preschoolers.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Tips for Using Ignoring.
- ZERO TO THREE. Toddler Tantrums 101: Why They Happen and What You Can Do (2024).
- Havighurst, S. et al. Emotion Socialization Parenting Interventions Targeting Emotional Competence in Young Children: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis of Randomized Controlled Trials. Clinical Psychology Review, 2023.